I’ve been battling an abusive relationship for quite some time. Not so much physical, but more mental and emotional. But by no means am I trying to say that any type of abuse is acceptable. I have started my journey to reclaim ME. I’ve moved out into my own place, I’ve found a job, I’m seeing a therapist, and I’m rebuilding my relationship with GOD. But during all this I can’t seem to shake this guy. We have kids and I’m having a difficult time trying to balance this separate but together relationship with the kids. What should I do, how should I do it?
Finding ME, (Denver, CO)
Whew!!! Honey, rarely do you find Moca speechless but this situation is very touchy and any advice that someone gives you is always going to be ‘easier said than done’, but you also know that I wouldn’t be Moca if I didn’t have an opinion and have something to say. :~) First things first, PRAY!
PRAY FOR STRENGTH, DISCERNMENT, AND GUIDANCE.
Secondly, let me say Congratulations on the steps you have made. I can only imagine the transformation you are going through and to know that the outcome will be so much better than the beginning must give you something to work toward. I recently mentioned to a friend of mine that it may appear as if I have it all together but it’s ONLY because GOD’s GRACE and MERCY sustains me. What I mean is, it’s easy to look like I have no problems because I allow GOD to do what He has already promised to do..take care of me (without my interference). I say this to say that this journey you are on will not be easy from a human standpoint but if you continue to allow GOD to do what He has promised he will do then each step will become easier and easier.
It can sometimes be difficult to move from a situation if you continue to place yourself in those same surroundings. In your case because you have kids you have no choice. So, I would say only do what’s necessary. Make sure you and your kids are a priority in each decision you make. Find a way to use your interaction with him to assist in your growth. Maybe you can make it a point to limit conversation to just issues dealing with the kids, initially. Whenever negativity arises work on your peace by not reacting but allowing GRACE and MERCY to sustain you. The most important component of this whole ordeal is the kids.
I’m not sure how old they are but trust and believe they know what is going on. If separation is what you have decided–be separated. Of course, we don’t know what the future holds but a defined relationship has to be more than something you talk about, there has to be action. Whether you decide to get back with him or not this step in the ‘transformation of ME’ you spoke of is necessary. It’s a process, and finding balance is something needed for not only you but the kids and him as well.
I’m not speaking from experience of your situation but I am speaking from experience from any situation where you may need to MOVE. When you are surrounded by negative friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, etc, MOVE. Don’t allow the negativity to infest in you, MOVE. Complete separation helps you ‘to reclaim you.’ You have one life to live; don’t be afraid to MOVE in it to make it a better life for you. I believe that GOD takes us through things because of the choices we make, so this journey is predicated by our decisions. Make the decision to MOVE toward a destiny that GOD has already destined for you. Never allow other people to affect you in such a way that you lose sight of your journey, making MOVES based on them and missing the MOVES that GOD has for you. Where ever this journey takes, you don’t forget to allow GOD to MOVE in you and LIVE OUT LOUD!!!!!